Star Wars Episode 0: The Requel

Session #9: Poggle the Usurper
...a Grievous situation indeed


Darth Vader, accompanied by Senator Ban Tomiel, came before the Jedi Council. Master of the Order Mace Windu was not hearing his excuses, and tried to provoke a violent reaction. Unable to do so, he was in favor of simply sending Darth away until Yoda intervened and took Darth aside. In a meditation room with Darth and Ban, Yoda inquired further as to what had happened. He decided to give Darth a chance to try to redeem himself. The Geonosians had withdrawn from the Republic, and had refused to respond to requests for diplomatic talks from the Jedi Council on behalf of the Senate. In addition, the debate over Supreme Chancellor-hood was taking the attention of most senators. Darth was sent to see if he could find a peaceful solution, and he was asked to surrender his lightsaber as a token of his intentions.

Meanwhile, Draz Ikthisix took the opportunity to live the high life on Coruscant. He send a shipment of paraside-scrapers ahead to Geonosis, in an attempt to curry favor with the Geonosians on Darth’s behalf, and also spent a small fortune running attack ads against Hego Damask. He even went so far to publicly accuse Damask of attempted genocide. While Damask Industries stock is holding, it is unclear whether any of the damning evidence of the secret cloning facility on Iridonia will be connected to Hego himself. Meanwhile, the two engage in a war of words.

Senator Tomiel had a chance to meet with both Senator Ethril Palpatine and Senator Bail Organa, one unsurprising candidate for Supreme Chancellorship and one quite unexpected. Palpatine expressed concern for Darth’s inner conflict, and asked that Tomiel inform him if he has a similar outburst in the future, at which point Palpatine will have resources on-hand to intervene. Senator Organa of Alderaan tried unsuccessfully to convince Tomiel of the need for peaceful solutions by democratic means, despite the delays and possible cost. To him, the cost of war would be far higher.

Obi-Wan Kenobi, meeting with his old Padawan Darth, offered to come with him and be of help in the negotiations.

The Ebony Falcon landed on Geonosis and our heroes were greeted by a Geonosian honor-guard and a slightly late protocol droid. After being mildly offended by Darth’s attempts at diplomacy, the heroes were escorted into the august prescence of his majestic grace Archduke Poggle the Lesser. Diplomatic talks faltered when His Lessorship decided to let Darth negotiate directly with his new ally – General Grievous!

Backed by a dozen light battle droids, Grievous attacked the heroes. They dispatched the droids handily and Ban was able to contact the ship, briefly, and summon help. Grievous summoned a precarious wheeled vehicle and was attempting to speed away, laughing maniacally and coughing…

Session #8: The Iridonians
I got 144 problems but a Bith ain't one

The Ebony Falcon came out of hyperspace and immediately broke atmo, headed to Capital City on Iridonia. Things immediately went sideways, as Doris Eek decided to engage Capital City security fighters in a little shuck-and-jive. The Falcon was temporarily disabled and bounced to a halt. Before long, Draz Ikthisix was able to get it up and running again, as most of the damage was cosmetic.

Draz was able to track down one Steelo “Belvedeere” the Hutt, who sent him in entirely the wrong direction, resulting in an altercation with Iridonian police. Darth Vader gave in to his anger, and drew enough strength to kill another squad and a half of police as Ban Tomiel fled and Draz Ikthisix made contact with a Quarren who sold him access to a safe-house and then information as to where the Iridonian came from, in exchange for four pallets of platinum parasite scrapers.

As the others dealt with Darth, using a plunger-driven syringe-shooter firing Doctor Peetrov‘s anesthesia doses, Draz took his fighter out over one of Iridonia’s acidified oceans, seeking out coordinates. He found, after a brief run-in with a shield and some automated defenses, a vast, kilometer-square facility built from floating modules linked together in a vast network. He landed, bypassed the first hatch he found, and hacked into the system.

As they would later put together, Damask Industries built the facility over 50 years ago, and immediately began experimenting on Iridonian orphans, seeking out the strongest and then cloning them, with modifications. The experiments went on for years, resulting in Brood One and Brood Two, as well as a great deal of training in killing Jedi.

The heroes dealt with the automated droid defenders, violently and otherwise, and were attacked by the faciliy’s one living inhabitant, an Iridonian. Darth defeated him handily, gutting him with his lightsaber, but he was not The Iridonian.

Thanks to Ban Tomiel’s request for assistance, Obi-Wan Kenobi had already found the heroes and docked with the Ebony Falcon. He heard their story of what was going on, and they fled four incoming droid ships coming to pick up 144 life-pods. When they realized their mission, they turned around to attack, damaging one ship and downing another and destroying an unknown number of pods before forced to flee by superior weaponry.

Darth spoke with Obi-Wan privately, and at Ben’s encouragement, agreed to meet with the Jedi Council. The Iridonian from the cloning facility, kept alive and sedated by Peetrov, is still on the ship as they travel to Coruscant.

Meanwhile, the final vote for Supreme Chancellor of the Republic approaches, and Ethril Palpatine is one of the final candidates being considered. His main opponent is Bail Organa of Alderaan with the support of Mon Mothma of Chandrilia among others. Palpatine is considered the leader of the Realist faction, whereas Organa and Mothma are well-known Idealists. The Appeasement faction, led by Hutts and Quarren and others, sought to reconcile with the Separatists and accomodate them, but since word of the plague got out they have fallen out of favor.

+The Jedi Council backs Ban Tomiel
+The Council gives Annakin a task to redeem himself
+After which, Darth and Ban sitting in a tree


Session #7: In His Piscine Embrace
Senator Palpatine is a great guy


In which our heroes gather together after some time away, having recovered from their injuries. Darth Vader has a new cybernetic arm to replace the one severed by The Iridonian’s lightsaber. They decide to travel to Mon Calamari to investigate the source of the weaponized plague.

Upon arrival, Draz Ikthisix makes the acquaintance of one Hego Damask, powerful financier and the only leader in the Trade Federation to be openly working with the Republic. He invites Draz and Co onto his private pleasure submersible. While there two terrible discoveries are made – that Damask Industries was the ultimate source of funding for the Sea Lab where the plague was developed, and that Damask himself may have the power to raise the dead. He can at least appear to do so well enough to terrorize his crew.

The heroes left Damask, destroyed the listening device someone had planted on Draz, and made their way to Sea Lab. There they found information on the plague itself – that there is no vaccine and was never intended to be one, and that it is response to “midichlorians” or somesuch. There was also one important note in the visitor log to the station – one Darrin Skywalker, listed as Special Envoy on behalf of Senator Ethril Palpatine.

Sea Lab was attacked by unidentified Mon Calamari commandos (and one battle droid) and the heroes were barely able to escape before drowned. Doris Eek destroyed one enemy submersible and crippled the second, and rescued Ban Tomiel, leaving Darth Vader in the sinking installation. Draz rescued him, however, by hyper-oxygenating his body and then locking his lips over Annakin’s face, breathing for the two of them all the long way to the surface.

The two were treated at Mon Calamari Memorial Hospital for minor burns and hypothermia, and released back to Draz’s bottom-level penthouse. There they decided to return to Coruscant, full of evidence of Damask’s wrongdoing and suspicions even of Senator Palpatine himself.

Ban Tomiel and Annakin Skywalker met with Palpatine to discuss their findings, and he expressed concern and described his previous dealings with Damask. He then met with Annakin privately, offered some wisdom, and ultimately gave him a clandestine mission – get to Naboo through the Trade Federation blockade, find out the status planetside, and return to Coruscant.

Session #6: Applemeez

On Tatooine, our heroes have set about investigating the Hutts’ involvement with Separatist weapon designers who created a plague on Mon Calamari and then fled to the Outer Rim. Led by Ban Tomiel, the Blue Ribbon Republic Task Force (composed of four soldiers from Naboo, “voice of annoyance”Doris Eek and triple-agent Darth Vader) decided to send Doris to find a contact and see whether she could get a job smuggling this bio-weapon off-planet.

She found Rodin the Rodian, a system-famous smuggler and criminal who is known to work for Guuda the Hutt. In a dark, shadowy corner, Doris met with Rodin and negotiated a huge payment for smuggling the plague from Tatooine to Naboo. She was watched, but Darth Vader was able to cause enough of a ruckus (“pork rinds!”) that they could escape.

In speaking with Deputy Director of Republic Intelligence Jor Torien, Senator Tomiel was able to discern that the weapon was likely to be armed with an explosive that would detonate if they attempted to transfer it to a Republic vessel, or possibly if they deviated from their course at all. She decided to fly first to Cloud City for refueling and for a chance to transfer “Draz” to their ship. Before they departed, Doris sent a contact, Richard, Tatooine’s Last Private Dick, on one more case before he retires, to investigate not only the criminal workings of Guuda the Hutt but also the criminal mastermind Rodin the Rodian.

In flight, Doctor Peetrov was convinced to begin dismantling the “package” after it was finally delivered, and made some progress without blowing everyone up. Once orbiting Bespin and docked with Cloud City, our heroes transferred “Draz” to their own ship. Too late, they noticed that another mysterious ship had docked with Cloud City as well, only to disappear into the black of space.

A hyperspace jump later they approached Naboo and determined to jettison a life pod with the “package” on it and let it detonate. Doris then attempted to deceive Latooka the Limbs, their Geonosian contact on Naboo. She did not seem convinced. Our heroes docked with a space station orbiting Naboo, and too late realized that another ship had docked there as well. They sent "Draz"’s technical droids to the energy core of the station to destroy the “package” thoroughly, and none too soon, as they were set up on by The Iridonian.

A furious duel ensued between the Iridonian and Darth, “Draz”, Doris and all four of Ban’s security detail. Handily overwhelming all but Darth and Doris, the Iridonian was able to cripple Darth and escape seemingly unscathed. Six security personnel lay dead, but the plague was destroyed by two irrationally suicidal technical droids.

+Ban Tomiel to meet with Obi-Wan Kenobi
+Guuda the Hutt makes a mistake!
+Unexpected Dick
+The Iridonian’s secret past is revealed
+The Jedi Council is keeping something from Darth

Session #5: So Sorry, Baby Krayt Dragon

Our heroes return to Coruscant

Draz Ikthisix has a new, yolk-covered friend, but Darth has to kill it to save some Jawas during an ill-planned Krayt Dragon delivery.

Ban Tomiel‘s ship is attacked by assassin droids sent by Senator Tikkesh’s undersecretary, who was duly disciplined.

Rambo Calrissian tries to have an honest conversation with Darth Vader.

Darth and Ban have heart-to-hearts with Ethril Palpatine, who is a totally reasonable guy.

Darth may have a chance to get back into the good graces of the Jedi Council.

Session #4: Tentacle-on-Sucker Action

Doris Eek decides to lend another Twi’lek refugee, Redjii, a hand in getting back to Coruscant from Tatooine.

Draz Ikthisix’s strange pornographic proclivities are revealed.

A Krayt Dragon is killed, but a single egg is saved and brought aboard.

Session #3
Session #2: Unusually Small Trandoshans

Draz Ikthisix joins the crew in-situ.

The heroes face down a Krayt Dragon, and then a squad of unusually small trandoshan mercenaries.

Arrangements were made to protect the people of Tatooine, including the Jawas, for much of the inhabited parts of the planet.

Session #1: Addiction's a Real Bith

Much of my time on Coruscant had so far been spent in a dive with an evasive crowd. The night I made contact with Doris Eek and Senator Ban Tomiel was in that unassuming bar. Jaff Taskley and his men came in, searching for Eek, a rumored people smuggler who helped aliens get off planet. From what I heard, she had some Separatist sympathies too. Exactly the kind of person I was interested in.

Strangely enough, Senator Tomiel was there too. I hadn’t pegged her as the type to frequent this kind of place, really, but I later found out she too took an interest in Eek’s “work.”. Before either of us had a chance to recruit her, however, she escaped. Almost as soon as Taskley and his men showed up. Luckily, I was able to work in a distraction by stealing one of their blasters, and, in their attempt to shake down the place, a fight broke loose and I was able to get away.

In the middle of commandeering Tomiel’s speeder, she caught me, but we agreed that following Eek was in our best interest. We found her at a star port, ready to get off Coruscant. Tomiel had been looking for a pilot and decided this was as good a time as any. Eek, Tomiel, and I escaped just as more Republic law enforcement showed up. (What would they do anyway, if Senator Tomiel had declared Eek her pilot? Wouldn’t put it past Republic bureaucratic scum to arrest Eek anyways and put Tomiel out of a job)

After leaving Coruscant, Tomiel received a message from Senator Palpatine warning us of a supernova that was about to send a gamma ray burst that would singe Alderaan and a numbeo of other planets, including Tatooine. We were headed to Tatooine anyway to lay low, so it was the perfect time to stop by the Republic observatory to check out this supernova and figure out what we could do about it.

We landed and were provided taxi service by an old buddy, Rambo Calrissian, though he asked me to shake down Dr. Peetrov, the guy in charge of the observatory, as a favor. Wanting to honor my debt, I agreed. Little did I know that Peetrov, who we found covered in sweat, spice caked around her his mouth, was a raging drug addict and generally pathetic being. I’m not gonna lie. I felt bad. Took pity. It’s in my nature, I guess. Whatever. I refused to collect the debt, and Calrissian would pay for it later. One less person to terrorize the planet.

After cleaning himself up, Peetrov actually proved to be a pretty decent scientist, and he helped us figure out the nature of the supernova and how to protect people against it — mainly, shield your electronics and get underground or in a cave. We had to get the word out, so we headed back to the ship where Tomiel alerted her people and Eek made contact with some pirate radio people. Then, to communicate to a greater majority of the planet, we had to meet with Guuda the Hutt and convince him to spread the word, since he had a stranglehold on communications on the planet.

It was easy enough for the Twi’lek to make it onto Guuda’s big moving city thing, but I had to sneak on while Eek was working it or whatever she does. Tomiel was eventually able to convince security to let her in.

Finding Guuda was easy — just look for the fat slug — but it took a bit of the Twi’lek working it some more to convince him. Disgusting. But, as Tomiel handed over the data pad, I felt an immense pain in the back of my head. I turned around, and a Trandoshan guard I had outwitted earlier was standing there. He got me really good, on account of my vision being double and the whole hearing my own pulse thing and whatnot. Unfortunately for him, I got him even better, and soon enough the Trandoshan was lying on the floor in three or four pieces. They regenerate, you know. I couldn’t just take out his arm, like Calrissian. And, again, one less person to terrorize the planet.

We quickly made our escape, and Eek and Tomiel got me back to the ship and into the medbay, which patched me up as well as it could. We then went to pick up our scientist, who had run off into the desert jonesing for spice. We ended up finding and meeting a Mon Calamari who had been taking care of the poor guy, and he paid Tomiel for passage on her ship.

Next step, we try and sort out this whole cave business… and, y’know, avoid Guuda’s slimy paws.

I find Tomiel to be interesting, but she’s a politician, so, obviously whatever she says, you gotta take with a grain of salt. I think she’s legitimate. Even so, maybe naive about what the Republic can really do. It’s stretched too thin to take care of the galaxy.

Eek is a wildcard. Even more so than me. Yet she has useful skills, most of which involve her working what she’s got and making fools give her what she wants.

Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do, and I’ve done worse to survive. Maker knows it’s damn near impossible to keep your ideals if you wanna make it in this galaxy. It feels like a while since I’ve been on Tatooine, but I’m starting to remember why I left in the first place.

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